When Nature Calls (EXPLICIT MATERIAL. READER BEWARE)

The title of this entry pretty much says it: I HAD TO PEE.

I logged in a 10 miler today and to prep for it, I drank a TON of water last night. I've been feeling so sluggish and totally wasted (not the drunk kind) on my runs that I wanted to try and get back into it and feel good.

Anyway, I get up this morning and begin gearing up. And I always leave a last minute bathroom stop in my routine to make sure I'm "empty" before a run...especially a 10  mile run where there are 0 bathrooms. Maybe  couple port-o-potties, but nothing I'm willing to stick my bum into. GROSS. So I use the potty (my potty, not the port-o-potty) and head out the door.

I start running and, I am just NOT feeling this run right off the bat. I'm slow, my muscles kind of hurt already, and I'm just not happy to be out. I get about 1.5 miles into the run and all of a sudden, "UH-OHH".

I should have been in one of those incontinence commercials. You know, you're going through your daily routine, happy music playing in the background...you're laughing with your friends... then the camera pans over to just you with the facial expression that says, "Holy $#&@, I'VE GOTTA GO!" Good lord, that was SO me.

So I get this "feeling" and I tell myself, "You know what, Tiff. Just run faster. It'll make your body forget that you have to go!"

Totally logical, right?

I decide to run faster and pick up the pace, no problem. In fact, I feel like my method of just continuing to run is actually working. When I played lacrosse in college, I would forgo MANY trips to the bathroom due to my fear of getting on my coach's bad side. And normally, when I would "hold it", I was able to continue on with practice and totally forget about having to go. By the end, I'd finally remember, "Oh yeah!"

So my logic was actually working for me.

I was about 2 miles in when I decide to stop. My muscles weren't feeling right, and I just wasn't comfortable, so I decided to stop and stretch for a bit. As SOON as I stopped, "UH-OHHHH!!"

Holy crap, what the hell. FML, this sucks! I've gotta think of something! ANYTHING! OMG! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?! Oh man oh man oh man oh man....

No bathrooms. No port-o-potties. All I had around me was a nice long running trail, and mother nature's lush green trees, plants, and bushes...






YES. I DID.

And don't go and start JUDGING me for taking care of business because you know what? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. The hopelessness! The desperation! THE DESPAIR!! You just do not know....so don't you TELL ME NOTHIN' (snap with the shaniqua neck moving side to side)!!

I know this blog will probably gross some, if not all, of you out, but since I'm still posting it, I obviously don't care (I do, but not enough to not write this...ha).  I felt it was a necessary part of the journey to record, because gross or not, I can guarantee that about 90% of all athletes have had to go pee during a practice, or a training session. I can also guarantee that ALL of my college friends have peed outdoors at one time or another, so REALLY, NOT A HUGE DEAL. It'll just be a funny story to look back on and laugh at.

And look at you guys! You're lucky enough to laugh at it with me too!!

So laugh it up, everyone. But I'm just 1 more run closer to my marathong... :)