T minus 6 days...

6 days left until the big day! It's all I can think about! I still have go to to the store and get my GU, I still have to get my bottled water for the week (I generally don't buy bottled water because I have a Brita, but at work, there isn't one, and the tap is gross), and I just feel so anxious and excited all at the same time!

I finished a 10 miler today. Not too bad. The first 7 miles felt great. No pain, just a little twinge. Overall, I was very pleased with my run today. It'll probably be the last longer-ish run I'll do before the race. From here on out, I'll just be keeping my legs warm and getting in some 5ers and 3ers, but that's it.

Random side story about my run today. I THINK I SAW JACOB BLACK. YES, FROM TWILIGHT. No, not Taylor Lautner (although I wouldn't mind seeing him...), but I swear... I think I saw a wolf. It was kind of far away, so I wasn't sure how big it was, but it looked very wolf-like. Well, it was either Jacob, or somebody else from the pack.

Anyway...that's all I've got to report on today.... ONLY 6 FREAKIN' DAYS LEFT! I'M FREAKING OUT!

On the Mend

Good news: I've logged in 2 runs since my last entry and although I was slow, I was almost pain free!

I spoke to a college friend the other day who was in the same athletic training program I was in, who is actually a certified athletic trainer now. He gave me a few good suggestions on exercises and stretches I could do to prepare for a run that would help me with my achilles. Let me tell you.... AWESOME. I totally forgot what a REAL stretch could do for the body.... I was able to really open up my stride and I didn't feel so stiff. I was really happy with my last 2 runs.

The bummer about running right now is that a week from today, I'll be on a plane to southern California. I really don't have much time left to train. All the training that I can do now is all under 10 miles and I feel incredibly unprepared for the challenge I plan on taking on next Sunday. I'm slow because I've been off for 2 weeks, and I'm sort of dreading how my body is going to feel when it's all over and done with.

I am SO nervous for this event coming up. I don't know if that's because I feel unprepared, or if it's because it's my first marathong. I was so concerned about my leg and the pain and swelling that I think it really got to my head. I even begged my doctor for some sort of magical injection into my leg so I wouldn't feel the pain for the race. Seriously, I did. She said no. I also begged a friend of mine to mail me some top of the line pain killers, but since it's a felony to mail prescription meds, we had to let that one go too.... It looks like I'll be popping ibuprofen like candy next weekend, but anything to get me through this! (All kidding aside, because I'm sure my mother is reading this and is starting to become concerned that I'm addicted to narcotics, we weren't really going to try and mail meds. But I really DID beg my doc for an injection).

Anyway, I'm definitely "on the mend" and I'm excited/nervous about everything coming up. It should be good!

For Christmas this year, I got a Flip camera (Have you seen those things?! Totally cool video camera!!), and I'm planning on doing a little clip of me and my best friend preparing for the race the night before and then talking about it after. I'm hoping to have someone record us crossing the finish line too, but it'll probably be really crowded. Plus, my bestie will be crossing that finish line about 5 years ahead of me, so the camera might actually run out of batteries. We'll what we can come up with. Should be good. Entertaining at the least....

UNTIL NEXT TIME....

My Mantra

I completed my second run today since returning from my achilles fiasco. Everything about running is just so bittersweet for me right now. I love that I'm back and ready to take on the marathong, but this hasn't been the smoothest road.

My bestie texted me yesterday "I hit 20 miles today", and immediately, the little green monster started coming out. No, not my boogers.... ENVY. Of course as her best friend, I was so proud and happy for her. I've always known that she could do it (with EASE I might add), but I was just SOO jealous. She's the type of person, like me, who sets her sights on a goal and just does it. The exception with her (or so it seems) is that this running thing comes a lot easier to her than it does to me. So when I read that text, I couldn't help but feel my heart sink a little bit knowing that I wouldn't be hitting 20 miles before this race.

I ran 5 miles today. By mile 3, my leg was hurting. I felt so slow too. Well, I was slow. The entire time, I just kept repeating in my head:

"I am awesome"
"I love running"
"My leg feels great"


"....am I done yet?" (checks watch)

Getting back into this running thing isn't as happy and go lucky as I thought. I'm sitting here, with my foot in a bucket of ice water just hoping for the best in 15 days.... OMG. 15 days! WTF. That's like...2 weeks. Why do I feel so screwed.

Anyway, at this point, there's no use in being a Debbie Downer. Woosa. Happy thoughts. Happy place.

I will say this though: THE WEATHER IN SACRAMENTO IS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND I COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR BETTER RUNNING WEATHER. IT WAS REALLY AWESOME TO SEE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE RUNNING AND BIKING AND GETTING THEIR EXERCISE ON :)

I'm BAAAAAACK

Well, it's officially been 2 weeks since my last run. Well, 1 week and 6 days. I couldn't take it anymore. All of that time off started making me feel out of shape and a bit on the "larger" size...

As some of you might know from reading my last entry (THANK YOU FOR READING BTW), I managed to be a loser and sustain an injury to my achilles tendon that caused me a lot of pain and a LOT of swelling. The pain was somewhat bearable to run with, but the swelling really killed my range of motion so I decided to take some time off to recover.

Well, here I am. "Recovered" would hardly be a term I'd choose to describe myself, but at least I was able to run today. Over the past 2 weeks, I literally just woke up, went to work, and went to bed. I went from not being able to walk more than 6 inches at a time, to having a normal looking stride. The pain is pretty much non-existent when I walk, but when I run, there's still this weird "twinge".

I only ran 3 miles today. The last thing I need is to run 13 and kill my leg before this marathong, so I'm thinking I should ease back into this. I'd rather run out of shape than in pain. Anyway, the run itself was okay, nothing special. I still felt some pain in my leg, but it was bearable. My only concern now is that I'm going to feel even more pain the more mileage I tack on...

Despite all of this, I'm finally back and looking forward to getting back in shape and getting this marathong done!! I can't wait to cross that finish line and finally say that I ran a whole marathong!!!!!!!!

BTW: I've officially signed up for the Shamrockn' Half Marathong in Sacramento. It's going to be on March 13 and I invite anyone and everyone to join me! It's going to be awesome and I think they're celebrating St. Patty's Day too. And you know what that means.... BEEEEEEER.

Running Hiatus

It's been decided... I will be taking a short break from running.

Right now, my foot and ankle look like they've contracted a case of elephantiasis and I can't take a step more than 6" from my other foot without wanting to scream. It takes me about 3 eons to hobble around and get ready for work. And another 3 eons to walk from one classroom to the next. My achilles feels like an old rubberband about to snap and all I want right now is my mommy.

Per the doctor's recommendations, I kept my long run this past Saturday down to 13 miles, but my foot feels worse. The swelling has reached into my toes, which now look like small sausages, and the pain is simply depressing. I've been forced to rest at this point. UGH.

I can't even begin to express all of the crazy emotions going through my mind right now. I'm frustrated, wretchedly unhappy, depressed... it is SO SAD.

I haven't been getting up at 5am to train for nothing. I haven't been pushing myself to run more and more and more...for nothing. I haven't been utilizing all of my free time to run...for nothing. Unfortunately, it totally feels that way. Like this has all been for nothing.

Today, I was sitting behind a kid at work when she stood up from her chair, which totally rammed into my legs and into my knees. And not that it hurt extremely bad, but for some reason, it was like the trigger that just sent me over the edge about this injury that won't go away. I had to turn away and go back to my desk for a few minutes so that the tears rolling down my face wouldn't be seen by anyone. Sad picture, isn't it?

YES I CRIED. Go ahead...laugh.

When it comes to things that I am extremely invested in, I cry. So make fun of me all you want, you big fat robots, but at least I can admit it!!

Anyway, that's pretty much how I've been feeling these past few days. Just a little melancholy...

My options at this point are very few. Ultimately, I still intend on running this marathong. I've got less than 4 weeks left and 2 of those weeks will be rest. Maybe a little stationary biking. But mostly rest. I'm thinking that if I rest and heal, then I can run the race out of shape, but pain free. If I try and run before those 2 weeks, I might be in shape, but I'd be running the race...all 26.2 miles... in utter pain. I'd rather go with the former option.

I'm trying to stay optimistic and keep a positive attitude, but it's been really hard. At Davis, whenever I got hurt, I just went to the training room and they'd start fixing me right away. Now, I get hurt, I have to schedule a doctor's appointment, which takes a few days and they end up telling me things I already know. And even at the doctor's, they don't do anything for it. At least at Davis, they had PTs, ultrasound, ice buckets, everything to at least get the healing process started.

This whole situation is just one fatty bummer. I plan on doing everything I can to get back as quickly as possible, but staying motivated and keeping a good attitude won't be easy... We'll see how I feel in 2 weeks... 2 weeks....

Somehow I PR'd...

Per the doctor's order, I kept my mid week runs below 5 and I kept my long run today to 13 miles. The run itself was pretty painful and all I could really think of was what I would do if I had to stop and couldn't run anymore. What if I ruptured my achilles tendon? What if I fell? What if no one was around?

It's fairly unlikely that a rupture would occur, but still, my mind can be pretty imaginative sometimes. And falling, well, if I fell I fell.

All in all, the run was a success. The rest of my body felt great, and I somehow PR'd on my half marathon. When I ran the half marathon in May 2010, it was my first one, and completing it was my main goal. I wasn't striving for a certain time or anything, I just wanted to finish it, and I finished with a time of 2:07. 2 hours and 7 minutes. Well, I ran 13 miles today and did it in 1:53...my goal for halfies is ALWAYS to run it under 2 hours, but I was quite impressed with myself today. I was impressed not because I finished in under 2 hours, I was impressed because the ENTIRE time I ran today, I just wanted to chop my foot off.

The beginning of the run was uncomfortable and a little painful and I was totally favoring my left leg. I had even noticed last night that my left calf was starting to look bigger than my right one.... Anyway, about 3 miles into the run, I just decided to suck it up and run evenly even though it hurt. I didn't want to end up with some weird leg that was totally gigantic compared to the other one after all. Not hot at all.

I had put my foot into an ice bucket 5 different times last night and I woke up this morning completely pain free, which was the first time in a week and a half. I was so stoked to run. I took 4 ibuprofen and thought I'd be fine.

There's really not a whole lot to complain about...I'm just super annoyed that I can't just run without pain, or thinking that it'll be a long time before it's back to normal. BUT, I'm out there, I'm alive, I'm running.... I guess it's all I need...

Doctor's Appointment

In going back and forth about the decision to get my foot examined by a "professional", I went ahead and signed into my health care web page and saw that I was due for some routine vaccinations. Seeing that I had to see the doctor anyway, I decided I may as well have my doctor look at my foot. After all, I chose her solely on the basis that she was a health care physician that specialized in women and sports. I figured I may as well get my money's worth out of this co-pay...

The Results: IT'S NOT TERMINAL. I'M GOING TO LIVE. HALLELUJAH. 

Okay, seriously. I didn't have high expectations going into this appointment because I knew exactly what she was going to say. "It's a strain. Ice it, and rest it"...and I imagine her saying it without sympathy, not even looking up from her chart to tell me. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that my injury needed ice and rest. But with all of my prejudices about this evaluation, I was actually pleasantly surprised at the overall outcome. 

Yes, it was a strain. All those years as a student athletic trainer actually did me some good in college... I was right. 

Yes, I needed to ice it. Again! Genius!

And yes, I did need to rest it.... she doesn't know me AT ALL! I gave her a "look" and took a breath in as I started to explain...

"I know. I know I need to rest, but the reality of it is, I've already PAID for this race...I've already PAID for my flight, so there is no way I'm skipping this event. I plan on running it, regardless of how my leg feels at the time. There will be plenty of time to hurt afterwards...and I'll deal with it then."

I waited for her to begin telling me how risky it was and that I should just stop running for now and pick it back up later, blah blah blah. But she didn't.

"Okay, Tiffany, when is this race?"

"February 6...so I only have about a month to--"

"And how many miles has your longest run been?" She cut me off!

"18, but I --"

"Okay, so I"ll tell you this right now, " This woman would not let me finish! 

"This week, you need to cut WAY back on your miles. No more than 5 miles per day. And this Saturday? Don't run more than 12-13 miles. You can build back up to 20 after this week is over, so you have about 3 more weeks before you need to taper off before the race."

Taper off? What the hell, this woman knows a little bit about marathongs!

She continued. "Don't take more than 4 ibuprofen at a time, I want  you to feel enough pain to know when to stop. I've trained for marathons, and you've already run 18 miles. You already have the ability to complete 26.2. What we need to do now is PREVENT further injury, but maintain your overall fitness level. Cutting  back on the miles and the amount of days you run will help prevent you from becoming more injured, but you NEED to take it easy during the week and save yourself for the long runs."

DAYEMMM. TRUTH BOMB! I just got TOLD! 

I don't know what it was, but for some reason, her words seemed to get through to me. Maybe it was because she was a doctor. Maybe it was because she specialized in sports. Or maybe it was because she's trained for marathongs in the past. She was just able to sympathize and understand what I wanted versus what I needed, and from that, she was able to find a consensus that would serve both. Whatever it was, I walked out of the doc's office feeling like all hope wasn't lost. 

I had a plan. A real plan to get better and still be prepared for February 6. It's not the plan that I had set out, but it was a plan that would still help me get to where I wanted to go. And that's the important thing that I needed to realize today: I wasn't being stopped from achieving my goal. I was simply being shown a different route to my destination.

At the end of the appointment, she noticed what shoes I had worn into the office (boots with a heel) and asked me if I could wear sneakers at work to provide more support to my foot. I told her that it was against dress code to wear sneakers to work for those in my position, and then joked sarcastically while chuckling, "Well, maybe if I had a DOCTOR'S note..."

She cut me off one last time, "Oh, you need a note? No problem" and on her prescription pad, she wrote:

Tiffany was seen and is advised to wear sneakers at work through the end of February 2011.

I'M SO WEARING MY VANS TOMORROW :)

The 5 Stages of Grief

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

I can be an extremely sarcastic person. And all kidding aside as I enter this post, I must honestly say that it has been a VERY long time since I have felt this hopeless and sad about something...anything. I'm not writing this entry as a means of gaining sympathy, or a pity party, however, I do feel it is important to record this as part of the journey. I can't only blog about the funny, weird, and happy times of this training because then I wouldn't accurately remember everything I had to go through to ultimately reach my goal. 

_____

My 18 mile run yesterday was anything but easy. It wasn't the worst run I've ever had, but it certainly wasn't the best. It took the first 5-6 miles to warm up and the entire time, my right leg just wasn't having it. I had drank (dranken? drunken?) plenty of fluids, I had eaten a sufficient amount of healthy food to carry me on this run, but my leg was just.... well... retarded. I popped 3 ibuprofen, ate a banana, and a GU pack, and I headed out the door.

I completed the 18 miles, but it was hard. I came back home and immediately iced and stretched. I sit here now, 24 hours later, and my entire ankle and achilles tendon are incredibly swollen. It hurts to walk, it hurts to stretch, it just hurts. On top of all of THAT, the icing I did to my foot yesterday left an ice burn on the back of my lower leg about 6-inches long. So now, I'm not only trying to heal my foot, I'm treating a first degree ice burn.

So returning back to the title of this entry, I'm in Stage 4: Depression. YES, I'm grieving... for my leg. SHUT UP.

1. Denial: "This is NOT happening. It's JUST a little owie. Keep going."

2. Anger: "F#$& YOU foot. WHY WHY WHY"

3. Bargaining: "Okay, listen to me carefully here you stupid little appendage. I've got a long run coming up this weekend, and if I rest you, you've gotta pull through for me on Saturday. Deal?"

4. Depression: "There's no point... It's just going to keep hurting no matter what..."

5. Acceptance: I haven't gotten here yet. Don't know if I will either...

I finally contacted my doctor about taking a look at my foot, but I don't have high hopes for that appointment. 

I guess the only thing really worth reporting right now is the amount of despair I feel when it comes to running. This is about the ONLY thing that I am working towards that is completely mine. This success, of completing a marathong, would be accredited to me and only me. 

I run, on my own. I get my own ass up almost every day to train for this. I run...12, 13, 18 miles...by myself, because I tell myself that I have the will power and determination to do so. Sure, I have friends and family that give me support, which I am VERY grateful for, but ultimately, it's me that carries the responsibility of adequately preparing for this race. Completing this self-set goal would be an incredible accomplishment. And it would be all mine. 

And that's why it sucks even worse to feel like I can't do this. I AM on my own. I DON'T run with anyone else that could help me get through a tough run. And I have worked SO hard to get to where I am now...SO hard that while I feel like giving up, I know that I can't only because I know how much hard work, effort, and commitment I've invested in this goal.

It's hard to even describe what I feel. And I don't even have a plan on getting better. And for those of you that know me, if I don't have a plan, I pretty much freak out. Well, I'm definitely freaking out now.

I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm obviously resting today, since my foot has decided not to want to move. I may try the bike at the gym, I don't know. 

Hopefully my next entry will be on a happier note, but until then, let's hope I get back into it all ASAP.

_____

"Even the finest steel has to go through the hottest fire"